They say marriages are made in Heaven. Yes! It’s true only till a certain percentage in the population. Currently, in the world, 40% of the marriages end up in a divorce. It is indeed difficult to understand this but the fact remains the same. Ironically, marriage is considered sacred until a time comes to end it. Couples discover various incompetency and several related issues amongst them and decide to part ways. Few cases will encounter this phase early and others later.
Often couples undergoing a divorce are already parents. The custodial matter is looked into deeply and not as a separate matter because the law doesn’t want the child to suffer between the parents. In most of the cases, children are the unfortunate victims of divorce. In heart of heart they do not want to the parent’s marriages to end and want them to reconcile but no one has asked them about it. They are badly worried about their immediate future and what is going to happen to them. Will I get to stay with mum or will I go with dad? These are some thoughts that constantly worry about them. Quite a lot of times parents try to use the child or influence them against the other parent. However, amidst this bitter situation of a divorced parent should avoid hampering the child’s mind and heart forever. Here are a few points that divorcing parents should consider and avoid hurting their children knowingly or unknowingly.
- Shh! Don’t tell: Parents should avoid asking their children to keep their secrets. Personal secrets can be kept out of the child’s mind. A small mind should not be subjected to useless stress and pressure. The child will be going through a lot already.
- Picking Faults: Avoid picking faults and flaws of each other in front of your child. While undergoing a divorce one should avoid using flaws as an influential factor. Let the child decide to choose whom! Propaganda will only make it worse.
- Do not snub: Children are innocent and will remain so in front of parents for life. Respect the innocence and do not snub them while they speak something good about the other parent.
- Do not seek emotional support: Yes! Divorcing parents will be undergoing an emotional trauma but leaning on children for support is not done! Keep your children away from the stress and show your interest in them over yours.
- Do not ignore your child: Divorcing parents will have a lot to handle! But, the child in between might have much more. Do not hesitate to look into your child’s behavior. Depression and anxiety are common problems that may arise.
- Do not disclose everything: The child should have no business in what the real reason for the divorce is. Personal problems between the parents should not be discussed.
- Social Neglect/Avoiding: Divorcing parents should not be avoiding or neglecting parties where the other partner will be present. If the child is with one parent, doesn’t mean that he should not meet the other parent. Distancing children from a parent is a sin!
- Connecting Dots: The law decides to hand over the child to anyone parent. While the child is growing up, do not connect his/her mistakes or behavior to the other parent. This may become a demotivating factor in the child.
- Never Refuse: On grounds of alumni, divorcing parents should never refuse their child a thing. This will directly impact the child’s thinking and personality.
- Outwardly Fighting: Divorcing parents would be undergoing a lot and might not stand each other’s site. This should not come out publicly where both the parents would fight in front of the child amidst a crowd.
Forget the above 10, if you can avoid the divorce. Reconcile and give a second chance. Your child doesn’t deserve to be torn between you two. In cases wherein, the divorce cannot be avoided keep the situation in control for your kids. Deal with issues and concerns in a way that it doesn’t spoil the family equation forever. Kids need to be reassured that although Mom and Dad have decided to part ways, they still love their children the same and want best for them. It is not always necessary for the kids going through a divorce to only hear the sad and bad part of the situation. They need to know that things will get better with time and life would take yet another beautiful shape.
We wish all the families and marriages to stay strong and happy.
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Amazing article. Often divorcing parents forget that there is a kid in their life that also needs attention.
A divorce ruins the life of the kid the most to say the least. Thank you for bringing up these ready pointers of what they must avoid.
Yes, Ideally I feel for the sake of kids it’s better not to get divorced if that can be avoided… Because more than us they are affected mentally… But very informative read Rakhi…
That was really thoughtful! It’s hard at times to avoid divorces, because couples, especially in India, already bear way to much before coming to a conclusion! But tearing the child apart is something we should never do!
This was a such n important post. Fighting infront of kids scar them mentally that too forever.
This is a very difficult phase in someones life be it parent and be it child. Seperation causes a worst effect. but what I like is that you have given some amazing tips here for teh parents.
This is such a touchy subject to talk on. Indeed children should be given the best as childhood is a time they’ll never get back. Stressing them out over personal fights is a very bad idea.
I think it is very important to make sure that emotionally they feel secure and are not in a space where they feel oblidged to take one persons side
This is one of the most depressing and self-doubting phases of any child/children. I have seen such cases so closely in a friend’s life. Counseling is the best thing to do, along with some self-control from parents.
This is definitely a very heartbreaking situation and children get affected the most… these tips can definitely bring in some comfort
I was stunned to read that 40% couples undergo separation. Not just for parents undergoing separation, I feel that even casually we should not speak everything and never pick each other fault’s in front of children. Leaning on kids while getting divorce is indeed not done!
With the divorce rates rising this is something that parents should definitely follow.. We all know that early year scars last for a very long time and we must try to make the process as smooth as possible for everyone involved
I’ve never read anything on this subject, but it’s defo Something that’s needed! Good on you for writing about it. My parents divorced when I was 5 and all of the above happened!! It’s the main thing I remember from growing up which is not how it should be.
Divorce is always very stressful for kids. Often kids have to pick sides being either more of momm’y or daddy’s child. They always feel odd as their life is changing drastically. It shocks how parents sometimes forget about that and don’t even try to comfort kids as much as they can.
Great ideas to handle the challenges of divorce that happens too often nowadays!
A wonderful write up, and ideally, one should keep one’s wits together for the sake of children. Especially when emotions are running high on both sides. Not always easy, right?
I really liked your points and I would say the life of a child is shattered as well along with divorcing couple. You have shared some amazing tips for parents in these phase.
What a great post. Many divorced parents are guilty of doing these things. Kids usually suffer in divorces. So not fair on them.
There is so much to learn here. Lately divorce seems like child’s play to people… The rate increases everyday!
These are such important tips. Divorces are hard and can really impact kids. Thanks for sharing!
What a fab piece, you are so right. It can be a difficult time, but the kids should come first, so feelings should be controlled x
As a former child from divorced parents, I agree with this 1000%! Thank you for writing this amazing article.
That true !! I really like your post. Divorce parents forget that children need attention, time and love from both of them but most time the parents are fighting in front of children which leads children depressing , sad , lonely
Thats True! I am totally agree with you. Thank for sharing! I will sharing this to my sister!
Divorce can be a difficult time for a couple. But it can be more difficult for kids (even traumatic). This is such a helpful read. Thanks for sharing!
This is very tough topic and hard to explain to children. I think it is hard moment for everyone, who is/was involved. Great article – well written. Emotional security when it comes to children is important. As I was writing above, everyone who was involved shouldn’t feel guilty or had a feeling, that something should be done different. We are not living in an ideal world. We should not be so harsh for ourselves.
Interesting read! Divorces are the hardest when kids are involved! It’s much more tougher on them & parents need to me extra cautious!
Great points to take in consideration in a situation like this. Divorce is a very emotional thing for all parties involved.
This is such an important post and one that divorcing parents should truly take to heart! Lots of good tips too!
At times parents can be selfish and challenging. I do think it is key to protect our children, even if parents are waring.